{"content":{"sharePage":{"page":0,"digests":[{"id":"20373725","dateCreated":"1266532138","smartDate":"Feb 18, 2010","userCreated":{"username":"cw7boylec","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/cw7boylec","imageUrl":"https:\/\/ssl.wikicdn.com\/i\/user_none_lg.jpg"},"monitored":false,"locked":false,"links":{"self":"https:\/\/rachwal.wikispaces.com\/share\/view\/20373725"},"dateDigested":1532760649,"startDate":null,"sharedType":"discussion","title":"jessica's story","description":"i thought your story was really good so far. i really liked the idea of the incident that triggered the flashback. it was very creative. i think that you need a little more characterization. also, i dont know where the story is going, but im sure it will be good. nice work !","replyPages":[{"page":0,"digests":[{"id":"20374947","body":"I liked the story it was very interesting. It held my attention. I also think that there could be a little bit more characterization in it. Keep up the good work.","dateCreated":"1266533150","smartDate":"Feb 18, 2010","userCreated":{"username":"cw7maloneya","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/cw7maloneya","imageUrl":"https:\/\/ssl.wikicdn.com\/i\/user_none_lg.jpg"}},{"id":"20376601","body":"This story was really interesting! I liked how you switched from year to year! That was an interesting way of writing. Also, I think you used your dialogue really nicely. However, there should be more characterization because I couldn't really picture ciara or olivia.","dateCreated":"1266534654","smartDate":"Feb 18, 2010","userCreated":{"username":"SKHAlbano","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/SKHAlbano","imageUrl":"https:\/\/ssl.wikicdn.com\/i\/user_none_lg.jpg"}},{"id":"20379599","body":"I liked how you used flashbacks and the timeline sort of thing, but I did think that mentioning the memory at the close of the recent Christmas dinner was too much of a give away. Maybe don't say it and let the reader make the connection. It'd be more of a cliff hanger too, if you leave at the exchanging of looks. I like where your stories going and the problems your setting up are really interesting. I thought your description of whats going on in each of the years was really good but maybe work some more characterization in. I really liked it though, Nice Job!","dateCreated":"1266538285","smartDate":"Feb 18, 2010","userCreated":{"username":"cw7morrism","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/cw7morrism","imageUrl":"https:\/\/ssl.wikicdn.com\/i\/user_none_lg.jpg"}},{"id":"20379671","body":"I liked the plot so far and the way that you told it with the flashbacks. As people have already said, the characters need more characterization, but its hard to criticize you too much about that right now, because you're probably going to add more details about the characters' personalities as you write more.","dateCreated":"1266538355","smartDate":"Feb 18, 2010","userCreated":{"username":"cw7fayb","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/cw7fayb","imageUrl":"https:\/\/ssl.wikicdn.com\/i\/user_none_lg.jpg"}},{"id":"20380371","body":"Wow! that scared me!! i was kinda of comtemplating whether or not the girls should have sat down and eaten dinner and , now i know why!! Their mother is legit bi polar!!! really good story. i like the flashbacks( was not confusing at all), maybe talk a little more about the girls in the beginning but other than that, job well done!","dateCreated":"1266539154","smartDate":"Feb 18, 2010","userCreated":{"username":"cw7musolenol","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/cw7musolenol","imageUrl":"https:\/\/ssl.wikicdn.com\/i\/user_none_lg.jpg"}},{"id":"20387893","body":"I loved your story, I get that it was just the beginning and you're probably going to delve into the characters later in the story so while reading I wasn't too concerned with that. I guess because my family is so creepily normal, a few things seemed a little stretched to me but the story is really interesting and different! It was like a Lifetime movie yet soo much better!!!","dateCreated":"1266546909","smartDate":"Feb 18, 2010","userCreated":{"username":"cw7garciaa","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/cw7garciaa","imageUrl":"https:\/\/ssl.wikicdn.com\/i\/user_none_lg.jpg"}},{"id":"20396007","body":"i really liked the flashbacks. they really kept me interested and wenting to know what else happens. i think there needs to be some more characterization, and i dont think the central conflict has been introduced. overall really good!","dateCreated":"1266584490","smartDate":"Feb 19, 2010","userCreated":{"username":"cw7lepianel","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/cw7lepianel","imageUrl":"https:\/\/ssl.wikicdn.com\/i\/user_none_lg.jpg"}}],"more":0}]},{"id":"20364821","dateCreated":"1266523404","smartDate":"Feb 18, 2010","userCreated":{"username":"cw7lenkh","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/cw7lenkh","imageUrl":"https:\/\/ssl.wikicdn.com\/i\/user_none_lg.jpg"},"monitored":false,"locked":false,"links":{"self":"https:\/\/rachwal.wikispaces.com\/share\/view\/20364821"},"dateDigested":1532760650,"startDate":null,"sharedType":"discussion","title":"Renee Fluck's story","description":"Great story! I love how it takes place in 1965, instead of modern times. Are the love children those people who wanted to stop the Viatnam War and who wanted peace? I can't wait to see what happens. There are a few grammatical errors, but otherwise good job!","replyPages":[{"page":0,"digests":[{"id":"20365495","body":"The story was really good. I liked how it takes place in a different time period. I also liked how well you described Dylan Cole. I can't wait to see if delilah and dylan end up together!","dateCreated":"1266524097","smartDate":"Feb 18, 2010","userCreated":{"username":"cw7patelk","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/cw7patelk","imageUrl":"https:\/\/ssl.wikicdn.com\/i\/user_none_lg.jpg"}},{"id":"20365991","body":"I thought this story was really cute! It's a love story(so far), but you were able to add your own personality into it by having it set in the 60's and having the "love children". I like it. The only thing that bothered me was at the end when Delilah said "What's your name, if you don't mind me asking?" I think you can delete the "if you don't mind me asking" because, why would he care if she asked him that? That phrase doesn't fit there. Good job!","dateCreated":"1266524649","smartDate":"Feb 18, 2010","userCreated":{"username":"SKHAlbano","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/SKHAlbano","imageUrl":"https:\/\/ssl.wikicdn.com\/i\/user_none_lg.jpg"}},{"id":"20369655","body":"I loved this! It was really cute so far and I'm expecting you're going to twist something up to become the conflict in the story. I'm really excited to see what it is. I like how you set the story in a different time frame but the only thing is that you have to be careful about using expressions that weren't common to that time. But I was confused on whether or not the main character is telling the story looking back in time? That's what I thought at first but I'm not sure. Anyway, I really liked your characterization and everything. Great Job!","dateCreated":"1266528204","smartDate":"Feb 18, 2010","userCreated":{"username":"cw7maloneym","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/cw7maloneym","imageUrl":"https:\/\/ssl.wikicdn.com\/i\/user_none_lg.jpg"}},{"id":"20369715","body":"Pretty good start. There were a few grammatical errors, but nothing too serious. I feel like I've definitely heard this story before, but it doesn't feel too unoriginal because you add some personality to it.","dateCreated":"1266528283","smartDate":"Feb 18, 2010","userCreated":{"username":"cw7fayb","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/cw7fayb","imageUrl":"https:\/\/ssl.wikicdn.com\/i\/user_none_lg.jpg"}},{"id":"20374537","body":"okay, i really liked your story and your descriptions. but the only thing is theres a couple sentences in the first paragraph that confused me. but other than that youre dialouge was good and i really like the plot, its relatable even though its set in a early decade.","dateCreated":"1266532835","smartDate":"Feb 18, 2010","userCreated":{"username":"cw7boylec","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/cw7boylec","imageUrl":"https:\/\/ssl.wikicdn.com\/i\/user_none_lg.jpg"}},{"id":"20375693","body":"This story is really good. I like how it is set back in time. I thibnk you did a great job with your character development. However, I noticed a few grammatical errors but they are easily fixed. I think this story has a lot of personal touches to it and i think it adds excitement.","dateCreated":"1266533828","smartDate":"Feb 18, 2010","userCreated":{"username":"cw7maloneya","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/cw7maloneya","imageUrl":"https:\/\/ssl.wikicdn.com\/i\/user_none_lg.jpg"}},{"id":"20380121","body":"I liked that your story took place entirely in a different period, it made it really unique, but it was still a relatable story. You also did a really good job with the names, I can't exactly say why but I really liked them. I thought some of your dialogue was a little awkward and there were some grammatical errors though. I thought your work had a lot of personality and I liked it.","dateCreated":"1266538851","smartDate":"Feb 18, 2010","userCreated":{"username":"cw7morrism","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/cw7morrism","imageUrl":"https:\/\/ssl.wikicdn.com\/i\/user_none_lg.jpg"}},{"id":"20380809","body":"I really like the uniqueness of this story. Everyone in class kinda has the same gist going on and yours is nice because it is in a whole different time period and has a different theme happening. I like where your story is going , with the girl totally in love with the guy but he had no idea of her exsistence. It's really catchy and drags me in wanting to read more. Maybe explain the time period a little more but other than that, i think you have it under control.","dateCreated":"1266539663","smartDate":"Feb 18, 2010","userCreated":{"username":"cw7musolenol","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/cw7musolenol","imageUrl":"https:\/\/ssl.wikicdn.com\/i\/user_none_lg.jpg"}},{"id":"20388253","body":"I liked your story so much! The whole vibe I'm getting from the main character is totally relatable even though it takes place in the past. I got the feeling everything was a bit rushed but it was almost like thats the way your charcter just is, if that makes any sense? Anyways- I really enjoyed it !","dateCreated":"1266547342","smartDate":"Feb 18, 2010","userCreated":{"username":"cw7garciaa","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/cw7garciaa","imageUrl":"https:\/\/ssl.wikicdn.com\/i\/user_none_lg.jpg"}},{"id":"20396165","body":"i really liked how you set ur story in a different time period, but made the characters still relatable. i like how casey was trying to get delilah to talk to dylan, and delilah was totally dead set against it. i would totally do something like that. i thought some of ur dialogue was a bit off, and minor grammar errors, but overall really good!!","dateCreated":"1266584799","smartDate":"Feb 19, 2010","userCreated":{"username":"cw7lepianel","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/cw7lepianel","imageUrl":"https:\/\/ssl.wikicdn.com\/i\/user_none_lg.jpg"}}],"more":0}]},{"id":"20313343","dateCreated":"1266441746","smartDate":"Feb 17, 2010","userCreated":{"username":"cw7patelk","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/cw7patelk","imageUrl":"https:\/\/ssl.wikicdn.com\/i\/user_none_lg.jpg"},"monitored":false,"locked":false,"links":{"self":"https:\/\/rachwal.wikispaces.com\/share\/view\/20313343"},"dateDigested":1532760651,"startDate":null,"sharedType":"discussion","title":"Heather's story","description":"The story was very unique and different from what people usually write about. I like how you made the rat's name mean thief because it foreshadowed that it would steal the silver. One thing that bothered me were the types of animals because I've never seen rats run on the beach. I can't wait to see what happens to the thief!","replyPages":[{"page":0,"digests":[{"id":"20313853","body":"I thought that you did a good job of forshadowing the stealing of all the jewelry. The only thing that really bother me was the fact that i always thought that rats hated mice, and it was unusual that no "people" saw the rats. I think your sentence structure was very nice. I'm wondering if the mouse is really evil or not.","dateCreated":"1266442295","smartDate":"Feb 17, 2010","userCreated":{"username":"cw7maloneya","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/cw7maloneya","imageUrl":"https:\/\/ssl.wikicdn.com\/i\/user_none_lg.jpg"}},{"id":"20316233","body":"youre story was very unique and you did a really good job having a lot of variety in your sentence structre. i think that you brought in the characters really quickly and it was hard to keep track of them, but over all good work!","dateCreated":"1266444967","smartDate":"Feb 17, 2010","userCreated":{"username":"cw7boylec","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/cw7boylec","imageUrl":"https:\/\/ssl.wikicdn.com\/i\/user_none_lg.jpg"}},{"id":"20316795","body":"I think you do a good job varying your sentence structures and you are a really good writer! Yet, you seem to always write about the same topic! I just feel like this is a bit repetitive. But, anyway, you did a good job using foreshadowing. The plot is a little predictable though. Also, there are so many characters and not a lot of characterization.","dateCreated":"1266445682","smartDate":"Feb 17, 2010","userCreated":{"username":"SKHAlbano","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/SKHAlbano","imageUrl":"https:\/\/ssl.wikicdn.com\/i\/user_none_lg.jpg"}},{"id":"20316799","body":"I really liked your sentence structure. The way you told the story was done very nicely. The foreshadowing of stealing the silver was very good. I'm not sure if you intentionally capitalized humans or not but other than that there weren't many grammatical errors. Very well done.","dateCreated":"1266445683","smartDate":"Feb 17, 2010","userCreated":{"username":"cw7maloneym","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/cw7maloneym","imageUrl":"https:\/\/ssl.wikicdn.com\/i\/user_none_lg.jpg"}},{"id":"20322699","body":"I thought your style was very good. And you did a really nice job foreshadowing. I also liked the names you picked for your characters. However, I think some of the dialogue was a little redundant, she kept telling the same thing over and over to the different rats in her colony. The other things that bothered me a little was just that amount of travelling these rats were doing so quickly. I think you have a really interesting story though, good job.","dateCreated":"1266452987","smartDate":"Feb 17, 2010","userCreated":{"username":"cw7morrism","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/cw7morrism","imageUrl":"https:\/\/ssl.wikicdn.com\/i\/user_none_lg.jpg"}},{"id":"20323081","body":"Good job heather! I always enjoys your stories because they are about animals and i like animals too. I also get informed about different speices. The over all story was goo. I thought that the mice either traveled really fast or your story was a little rushed. Maybe explain that a little more. Other than that good story.","dateCreated":"1266453667","smartDate":"Feb 17, 2010","userCreated":{"username":"cw7musolenol","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/cw7musolenol","imageUrl":"https:\/\/ssl.wikicdn.com\/i\/user_none_lg.jpg"}},{"id":"20325167","body":"pretty nice story i thought it was crazy how the one jawn rat stole the silver and his name meant thief very creative.","dateCreated":"1266455869","smartDate":"Feb 17, 2010","userCreated":{"username":"gerkiddhorcher","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/gerkiddhorcher","imageUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/pic\/1258652897\/gerkiddhorcher-lg.jpg"}},{"id":"20329115","body":"your story was really good! i cant wait to read the rest. good sentence structure. the one thing that bothered me was when the leader mouse told one of the other mice to go and get someone in barcelona. it seemed like they were going to get them in another room, when barcelona is like superr far from france. so you might want to make that seem more dramatic, like they were going on a trip. overall really good!","dateCreated":"1266459779","smartDate":"Feb 17, 2010","userCreated":{"username":"cw7lepianel","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/cw7lepianel","imageUrl":"https:\/\/ssl.wikicdn.com\/i\/user_none_lg.jpg"}},{"id":"20332433","body":"It was very good. The only thing is you always write about mice and rats and it seems to all be the same thing after a while. try and switch it up a bit. I also thought the plot was a bit predictable.You had good sentence structure, and not very many gramaticle errors. Also one other thing was i have never seen a rat on the beach? so i thought that was a little off. Needs a little work but other than that it was good.","dateCreated":"1266463513","smartDate":"Feb 17, 2010","userCreated":{"username":"cw7dodmanj","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/cw7dodmanj","imageUrl":"https:\/\/ssl.wikicdn.com\/i\/user_none_lg.jpg"}},{"id":"20334825","body":"I like how there's a Redwall influence in your writing but that you don't completely rip those books off; you write about animals in modern society and it's unique to some extent. The characters could use more development, and I feel like you need describe things using more imagery, rather than just using specific names of animals or locations as details. I didn't see very many grammatical errors, although there were some. Overall, nice start.","dateCreated":"1266467735","smartDate":"Feb 17, 2010","userCreated":{"username":"cw7fayb","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/cw7fayb","imageUrl":"https:\/\/ssl.wikicdn.com\/i\/user_none_lg.jpg"}}],"more":0}]},{"id":"20311023","dateCreated":"1266438702","smartDate":"Feb 17, 2010","userCreated":{"username":"cw7maloneya","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/cw7maloneya","imageUrl":"https:\/\/ssl.wikicdn.com\/i\/user_none_lg.jpg"},"monitored":false,"locked":false,"links":{"self":"https:\/\/rachwal.wikispaces.com\/share\/view\/20311023"},"dateDigested":1532760652,"startDate":null,"sharedType":"discussion","title":"Scott's story","description":"I liked this story, it was very interesting. I liked the way you introduced your story and your writing style. I love how you explained the nickname and how it all fit together. I thought that it was very entertaining. There were a few grammatical errors but other than that i think you are off to a good start.","replyPages":[{"page":0,"digests":[{"id":"20313837","body":"I really liked the style of writing that you used in your story. I like how you explained how he got the name Flint because it showed more about his character. Keep it up!","dateCreated":"1266442277","smartDate":"Feb 17, 2010","userCreated":{"username":"cw7patelk","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/cw7patelk","imageUrl":"https:\/\/ssl.wikicdn.com\/i\/user_none_lg.jpg"}},{"id":"20315799","body":"alrighty...i enjoyed reading your story. you have a few grammatical errors but they can be fixed. youre plot was intriguing and so was the word choice slash descriptions. nice job.","dateCreated":"1266444492","smartDate":"Feb 17, 2010","userCreated":{"username":"cw7boylec","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/cw7boylec","imageUrl":"https:\/\/ssl.wikicdn.com\/i\/user_none_lg.jpg"}},{"id":"20316421","body":"This story was well written. However, nothing in it really pulled me in and I feel like it's The Outsiders all over again. I don't know where you are going with this, but we'll see what happens. Also, there are multiple grammatical errors throughout, but that is an easy fix.","dateCreated":"1266445178","smartDate":"Feb 17, 2010","userCreated":{"username":"SKHAlbano","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/SKHAlbano","imageUrl":"https:\/\/ssl.wikicdn.com\/i\/user_none_lg.jpg"}},{"id":"20316493","body":"I also was reminded of The Outsiders when I was reading this. However with no ending I can't really say that for sure because I don't know where you're going to go with this. I did like the style in which you wrote though.","dateCreated":"1266445280","smartDate":"Feb 17, 2010","userCreated":{"username":"cw7maloneym","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/cw7maloneym","imageUrl":"https:\/\/ssl.wikicdn.com\/i\/user_none_lg.jpg"}},{"id":"20323493","body":"I really like the name flint. Good explanation and reason to why his friends call him flint. I also liked that it was a drug dealing story because not many people choose to write about drugs so when you hear about it, it's very enticing. Also i enjoyed your vocabulary. I felt like you were reading this to class as i read it myself. Cant wait to see how john ends up and what they do to him.","dateCreated":"1266454175","smartDate":"Feb 17, 2010","userCreated":{"username":"cw7musolenol","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/cw7musolenol","imageUrl":"https:\/\/ssl.wikicdn.com\/i\/user_none_lg.jpg"}},{"id":"20324715","body":"this was a good story i was very interested in it i wish i could of read more","dateCreated":"1266455380","smartDate":"Feb 17, 2010","userCreated":{"username":"gerkiddhorcher","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/gerkiddhorcher","imageUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/pic\/1258652897\/gerkiddhorcher-lg.jpg"}},{"id":"20324995","body":"You had good characterization, especially through the nickname. You had nice word choice and style. I feel like right now it's the typical gang like story but I don't really know where it's going so that might change. Good Job.","dateCreated":"1266455684","smartDate":"Feb 17, 2010","userCreated":{"username":"cw7morrism","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/cw7morrism","imageUrl":"https:\/\/ssl.wikicdn.com\/i\/user_none_lg.jpg"}},{"id":"20329475","body":"i really liked how you explained how he got the nickname flint. and this might sound kinda creeper-ish, but i could actually hear you reading the story. which is good! i really like your writing style. theres a few runons but those can be easily fixed. overall really good!","dateCreated":"1266460114","smartDate":"Feb 17, 2010","userCreated":{"username":"cw7lepianel","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/cw7lepianel","imageUrl":"https:\/\/ssl.wikicdn.com\/i\/user_none_lg.jpg"}},{"id":"20335157","body":"You have a really nice style that is hindered by your ignorance of grammatical rules. Maybe I'm just a grammar-nazi, but when I see the tense change mid-sentence, it makes me stop taking the writing seriously, which is a shame, because your writing is good apart from the little errors here and there. Like everyone has said, though, it should be pretty easy to fix. The story does feel a bit trite, but I think that's fine as long as it's well-written; not every story has to try to be completely original. Just fix up those errors and try not to make it too predictable, and everything will work out fine.","dateCreated":"1266468649","smartDate":"Feb 17, 2010","userCreated":{"username":"cw7fayb","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/cw7fayb","imageUrl":"https:\/\/ssl.wikicdn.com\/i\/user_none_lg.jpg"}},{"id":"20350689","body":"Great story! Interesting concept with Frank. Nice idea with the nickname. I can't wait to see the rest of this.","dateCreated":"1266509461","smartDate":"Feb 18, 2010","userCreated":{"username":"cw7lenkh","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/cw7lenkh","imageUrl":"https:\/\/ssl.wikicdn.com\/i\/user_none_lg.jpg"}}],"more":0}]},{"id":"20310517","dateCreated":"1266438172","smartDate":"Feb 17, 2010","userCreated":{"username":"cw7lenkh","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/cw7lenkh","imageUrl":"https:\/\/ssl.wikicdn.com\/i\/user_none_lg.jpg"},"monitored":false,"locked":false,"links":{"self":"https:\/\/rachwal.wikispaces.com\/share\/view\/20310517"},"dateDigested":1532760654,"startDate":null,"sharedType":"discussion","title":"Gerard Horcher's Story","description":"Good story. Interesting plot. The "failing every class except English" makes me think of Holden from "the Catcher in the Rye." However, you need to fix up a few grammatical errors. Also, indent the paragraphs and capitalize character names. Otherwise good job.","replyPages":[{"page":0,"digests":[{"id":"20310661","body":"I really liked this story I thought that it was really good. You grabbed my attention and kept it till the end. I think that your characterization was really great. You have a few grammatical errors but i wouldn't change any of the plot. I think it is a unique perspective and it is different.","dateCreated":"1266438352","smartDate":"Feb 17, 2010","userCreated":{"username":"cw7maloneya","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/cw7maloneya","imageUrl":"https:\/\/ssl.wikicdn.com\/i\/user_none_lg.jpg"}},{"id":"20315289","body":"i really liked your story, it was really intense and interesting and you did a good job portraying the mood and tone. youre characterization is really good and i loved the theme. besides the gramatical errors and random capitalization, it was cool.","dateCreated":"1266443929","smartDate":"Feb 17, 2010","userCreated":{"username":"cw7boylec","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/cw7boylec","imageUrl":"https:\/\/ssl.wikicdn.com\/i\/user_none_lg.jpg"}},{"id":"20316051","body":"This story was really good. It has a different tone from the other storied we have been reading. You do a really good job describing the characters by showing and not telling. I could picture everything that was happening. However, when the girl starts to cry in the hospital room...I think that's a little extreme. She only hung out with him once and now she loves him? Too fast. Maybe add another time when they hang out again. Also, make sure to capitalize and punctuate where needed. Overall it was really good.","dateCreated":"1266444767","smartDate":"Feb 17, 2010","userCreated":{"username":"SKHAlbano","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/SKHAlbano","imageUrl":"https:\/\/ssl.wikicdn.com\/i\/user_none_lg.jpg"}},{"id":"20316273","body":"I really liked reading this. I thought it was really realistic and it had a good plot. There were just a few grammatical things here and there and remember to capitalize character names. But other than that it was well written.","dateCreated":"1266445003","smartDate":"Feb 17, 2010","userCreated":{"username":"cw7maloneym","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/cw7maloneym","imageUrl":"https:\/\/ssl.wikicdn.com\/i\/user_none_lg.jpg"}},{"id":"20324341","body":"This was such a good story!!! i really enjoy eveything that you have been writting becasue it is realistic and exciting!!! i like your plot and characters and how you have explained everything in good detail but not so much that you become bored!!!! i am looking forward to reading the rest!!!","dateCreated":"1266454997","smartDate":"Feb 17, 2010","userCreated":{"username":"cw7musolenol","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/cw7musolenol","imageUrl":"https:\/\/ssl.wikicdn.com\/i\/user_none_lg.jpg"}},{"id":"20324363","body":"Yeah, like everyone has said you had some grammatical errors in punctuating and capitaliztation but besides that I thought the story was really good. You did a good job describing things and I liked the way you went in like a time line to build up his life and all the hardship. I thought you did a good job of portraying such a deep dark and intense topic. I liked how you balanced out the tough stuff specific to his life with stuff that the typically guy goes through, it helped make Mike more realistic. Really good job!","dateCreated":"1266455022","smartDate":"Feb 17, 2010","userCreated":{"username":"cw7morrism","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/cw7morrism","imageUrl":"https:\/\/ssl.wikicdn.com\/i\/user_none_lg.jpg"}},{"id":"20329945","body":"i really liked your story! you did a good job setting the tone, and the intenseness of it really kept me reading. a few grammatical errors, some runons, but it was good! i didnt get to read the rest, but i definitely will when i get the chance! overall really good!","dateCreated":"1266460543","smartDate":"Feb 17, 2010","userCreated":{"username":"cw7lepianel","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/cw7lepianel","imageUrl":"https:\/\/ssl.wikicdn.com\/i\/user_none_lg.jpg"}},{"id":"20332033","body":"Your storyy was really good. It was amazing! It held my intrest the entire time. I noticed a few gramtical errors but other than that i loved it dont change a thing.","dateCreated":"1266462913","smartDate":"Feb 17, 2010","userCreated":{"username":"cw7dodmanj","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/cw7dodmanj","imageUrl":"https:\/\/ssl.wikicdn.com\/i\/user_none_lg.jpg"}},{"id":"20335991","body":"That was a very entertaining story with a nice style. The grammar was definitely a problem, but it shouldn't be too hard to fix. My only problems with the story apart from the grammar were the kind of unrealistic romance between the characters who barely knew each other and the fact that Mike never stopped complaining. I know that one of the central ideas of your story is that Mike has a difficult life that he has to overcome, but it gets annoying after a while when he keeps on shoving it in your face, saying "You can't understand me." I think part of the reason people like this have trouble communicating with others is because they have too much self-pity; they need to understand other people's viewpoints instead of just wallowing in their own little world of depression. Maybe that makes me sound like a jerk; I don't have an awful life and maybe I don't understand, but it can be hard to feel much sympathy for people when they try to project their problems too much on everyone else.","dateCreated":"1266470785","smartDate":"Feb 17, 2010","userCreated":{"username":"cw7fayb","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/cw7fayb","imageUrl":"https:\/\/ssl.wikicdn.com\/i\/user_none_lg.jpg"}}],"more":0}]},{"id":"20054557","dateCreated":"1265863937","smartDate":"Feb 10, 2010","userCreated":{"username":"cw7morrism","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/cw7morrism","imageUrl":"https:\/\/ssl.wikicdn.com\/i\/user_none_lg.jpg"},"monitored":false,"locked":false,"links":{"self":"https:\/\/rachwal.wikispaces.com\/share\/view\/20054557"},"dateDigested":1532760655,"startDate":null,"sharedType":"discussion","title":"Ashlee's Story","description":"I really liked your story. I actually liked the names a lot and how unique they were was really cool. You did an awesome job grabbing my attention and then keeping the momentum going. I liked that you got right into forming a plot and didn't waste time. I also liked all your dialogue too, it made the style different. My only advice is to fix up some grammatical errors and typos and I'm looking forward to reading the rest.","replyPages":[{"page":0,"digests":[{"id":"20248451","body":"i really really really enjoyed your story!! i love how you put in different names like oprah and fatima. It is so un exspected that it makes the story flow. I enjoyed the plot and the theme of your story. I am very intressted about finding out about what happens with the brother and her so called best friends!!! cant wait to talk about it in class!!!","dateCreated":"1266349925","smartDate":"Feb 16, 2010","userCreated":{"username":"cw7musolenol","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/cw7musolenol","imageUrl":"https:\/\/ssl.wikicdn.com\/i\/user_none_lg.jpg"}},{"id":"20250089","body":"This story has a great start. The unique names make it different and better. I like the whole idea of betraying their friendship and drama happening because of it. I can't wait to read the rest!!","dateCreated":"1266352030","smartDate":"Feb 16, 2010","userCreated":{"username":"cw7patelk","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/cw7patelk","imageUrl":"https:\/\/ssl.wikicdn.com\/i\/user_none_lg.jpg"}},{"id":"20251501","body":"Great story! Moving the plot mostly by the characters' quotations is a neat twist. Revenge always makes an interesting story. I can't wait to see what happens. I want to know what the revenge plan is. I love the unique names in this story. I love unique names. How did you come up with the names? I MUST know!","dateCreated":"1266353917","smartDate":"Feb 16, 2010","userCreated":{"username":"cw7lenkh","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/cw7lenkh","imageUrl":"https:\/\/ssl.wikicdn.com\/i\/user_none_lg.jpg"}},{"id":"20254125","body":"I like the characters' names and personalities. The plot is interesting, and I'm curious to see what happens. I didn't feel like the story flowed too well, though; it's nice using dialogue to tell a story but I feel like you should tell more outside of the dialogue, because it gets confusing when so many characters are talking. Good start.","dateCreated":"1266357549","smartDate":"Feb 16, 2010","userCreated":{"username":"cw7fayb","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/cw7fayb","imageUrl":"https:\/\/ssl.wikicdn.com\/i\/user_none_lg.jpg"}},{"id":"20259859","body":"i loved the plot to youre story! its kinda relatable for me and i really liked the dialouge it seemed so real. I felt like you brought in the characters quickly without giving any characterization or introductions. But after i figured out that the Oprah in the story wasnt the real oprah (right?) it made a lot more sense. good job though !","dateCreated":"1266364684","smartDate":"Feb 16, 2010","userCreated":{"username":"cw7boylec","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/cw7boylec","imageUrl":"https:\/\/ssl.wikicdn.com\/i\/user_none_lg.jpg"}},{"id":"20260357","body":"I thought this was a good story. The names...yeah they're a little unrealistic and distracting. Maybe tone them down a bit. Overall though I liked the plot and it was a creative idea. However, the last sentence of the first paragraph, I didn't really like. It's kind of over used I think. Also, the dialogue isn't very interesting to me. It doesn't sound robotic, but its just really making me not like the "brooklyn" girl. I get the sense she's annoying and overdramatic, but I don't know if that's on purpose. Unique idea though!","dateCreated":"1266365334","smartDate":"Feb 16, 2010","userCreated":{"username":"SKHAlbano","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/SKHAlbano","imageUrl":"https:\/\/ssl.wikicdn.com\/i\/user_none_lg.jpg"}},{"id":"20271111","body":"Your story is off to a good start. I'm curious to see what the plan for revenge is. Also i like the idea of having unique names, but it was almost distracting how unique the names were. Also, I wish i could get to know the main character more besides just the fact that she is organized because i almost feel like i dont make a connection with the main character. Overall pretty good so far. keep up the good work","dateCreated":"1266378880","smartDate":"Feb 16, 2010","userCreated":{"username":"cw7dodmanj","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/cw7dodmanj","imageUrl":"https:\/\/ssl.wikicdn.com\/i\/user_none_lg.jpg"}}],"more":0}]},{"id":"19988595","dateCreated":"1265756101","smartDate":"Feb 9, 2010","userCreated":{"username":"cw7maloneym","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/cw7maloneym","imageUrl":"https:\/\/ssl.wikicdn.com\/i\/user_none_lg.jpg"},"monitored":false,"locked":false,"links":{"self":"https:\/\/rachwal.wikispaces.com\/share\/view\/19988595"},"dateDigested":1532760657,"startDate":null,"sharedType":"discussion","title":"Lindsay's story","description":"There were only a few grammatical errors in your story just forgetting a word here and there, not a big deal. I really liked the idea for your story it was rally original, unlike everything else others have written in class You did a really good job of explaining how she arrived at rock bottom.","replyPages":[{"page":0,"digests":[{"id":"19994555","body":"This is a really good story. I like how Lilly has a big compassion for music, instead of other things most girls are into. I really really like hpw this story is about a girl how is somewhat different, instead of a typical school-age girl. However, there are a few grammatical errors that can easily be fixed. Otherwise, this is very good.","dateCreated":"1265762609","smartDate":"Feb 9, 2010","userCreated":{"username":"cw7lenkh","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/cw7lenkh","imageUrl":"https:\/\/ssl.wikicdn.com\/i\/user_none_lg.jpg"}},{"id":"19995981","body":"I liked the story and i think that you did a really good job of showing what happened to her. You made it easier to understand what happens to people who seem to have it all. It was a sad story but good at the same time. I noticed a few typos but other than that i really liked it.","dateCreated":"1265764426","smartDate":"Feb 9, 2010","userCreated":{"username":"cw7maloneya","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/cw7maloneya","imageUrl":"https:\/\/ssl.wikicdn.com\/i\/user_none_lg.jpg"}},{"id":"19998339","body":"I loved how different your piece was. It was even told from a unique standpoint which added a new element to a great plotline. You added a lot of music terms that kind of threw me off but I liked how well they fit into the story. The ending was tragic and full of emotion, concluding a wonderful story perfectly.","dateCreated":"1265766753","smartDate":"Feb 9, 2010","userCreated":{"username":"cw7garciaa","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/cw7garciaa","imageUrl":"https:\/\/ssl.wikicdn.com\/i\/user_none_lg.jpg"}},{"id":"20001793","body":"As someone who is very passionate about music, I enjoyed this story because it was easy to relate to. There were a few typos but nothing major. I feel like the overall writing style could have been better; everything was stated in a kind of matter-of-fact tone and I felt like it needed more emotion to complement the serious themes of the story.
\n
\nThe only thing that kind of bothered about the story was the fact that Lilly was a classical musician and still managed to make millions of dollars off of her music. There isn't a large demand for classical music, so I don't feel like she would have made much money, especially not with the current state of the music industry. I feel like you would be able to change that and still keep most of the original plot intact. Overall, a good, meaningful story, though.","dateCreated":"1265771556","smartDate":"Feb 9, 2010","userCreated":{"username":"cw7fayb","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/cw7fayb","imageUrl":"https:\/\/ssl.wikicdn.com\/i\/user_none_lg.jpg"}},{"id":"20002279","body":"I liked how your story followed a long time span of her life and it wasnt just a year out of her life. You did a good job showing the ups and downs and how someone reaches rock bottom like that. You used good musical termnology (not that I understood all of them but I don't know too much about music)which helped with the stories believablity. Just make sure you edit grammar and words.","dateCreated":"1265772174","smartDate":"Feb 9, 2010","userCreated":{"username":"cw7morrism","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/cw7morrism","imageUrl":"https:\/\/ssl.wikicdn.com\/i\/user_none_lg.jpg"}},{"id":"20002907","body":"I thought this story was really original. Not something Ir really expected! I liked the suicide ending, i think it describes the life of "living large" and the bad affects it really has on a lot of people. However, I thought the first three pages were a bit dull. They seemed to drag on and didn't really pull me in. I had trouble focusing on the story. Overall, though, I find the whole concept interesting.","dateCreated":"1265773048","smartDate":"Feb 9, 2010","userCreated":{"username":"SKHAlbano","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/SKHAlbano","imageUrl":"https:\/\/ssl.wikicdn.com\/i\/user_none_lg.jpg"}},{"id":"20090193","body":"i really liked you story. Youre descriptions were meaningful and detailed, but maybe if you added some dialouge to show us and not tell us everything it would be great. Also, i thought that you should have spent more time on the conflict it seemed to arise and fall very quickly. but i thought it was a unique and relatable topic, and you did such a good job developing it!","dateCreated":"1265928003","smartDate":"Feb 11, 2010","userCreated":{"username":"cw7boylec","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/cw7boylec","imageUrl":"https:\/\/ssl.wikicdn.com\/i\/user_none_lg.jpg"}}],"more":0}]},{"id":"19988041","dateCreated":"1265755498","smartDate":"Feb 9, 2010","userCreated":{"username":"cw7maloneym","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/cw7maloneym","imageUrl":"https:\/\/ssl.wikicdn.com\/i\/user_none_lg.jpg"},"monitored":false,"locked":false,"links":{"self":"https:\/\/rachwal.wikispaces.com\/share\/view\/19988041"},"dateDigested":1532760657,"startDate":null,"sharedType":"discussion","title":"Mary's story","description":"I thought that your story was great, I really felt like I was reading a novel when i was reading this. You really pulled me into the story wanting to know everything that was going on. I liked how you managed to explain each scene without going into excessive detail.","replyPages":[{"page":0,"digests":[{"id":"19993513","body":"I agree. This is a great story so far. I can't wait to see what happens. I like the concept that the main character is Russain. Russains always make interesting characters, at least in my opinion.","dateCreated":"1265761472","smartDate":"Feb 9, 2010","userCreated":{"username":"cw7lenkh","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/cw7lenkh","imageUrl":"https:\/\/ssl.wikicdn.com\/i\/user_none_lg.jpg"}},{"id":"19994235","body":"Oops. Sorry. I just wrote about the wrong story! I like the title of this story. Anything that involves wolves grabs my attention immediately. Though I know it is not actually about wolves. This is a really good story. The police thing was very interesting.","dateCreated":"1265762198","smartDate":"Feb 9, 2010","userCreated":{"username":"cw7lenkh","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/cw7lenkh","imageUrl":"https:\/\/ssl.wikicdn.com\/i\/user_none_lg.jpg"}},{"id":"19996719","body":"I loved this. I liked how you explained in detail everything but not too much. I could almost hear you saying this stuff. I loved the characterization, it felt like a novel. I think you did a great job of pulling the reader in. I also liked the plot i thought that it was very good.","dateCreated":"1265765137","smartDate":"Feb 9, 2010","userCreated":{"username":"cw7maloneya","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/cw7maloneya","imageUrl":"https:\/\/ssl.wikicdn.com\/i\/user_none_lg.jpg"}},{"id":"19997619","body":"This was AMAZING. I was like, "oh i'll just read like half cause american idol is on." but i read the whole thing and wanted it to go on forever! Very intriguing with such well developed characters-there wasn't anything wrong with it at all to me. Great great greaaat work!","dateCreated":"1265765924","smartDate":"Feb 9, 2010","userCreated":{"username":"cw7garciaa","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/cw7garciaa","imageUrl":"https:\/\/ssl.wikicdn.com\/i\/user_none_lg.jpg"}},{"id":"19997813","body":"Wow, I loved the story. I could really relate to the character feeling average and making up personalities in her head, and it was awesome to see her completely lose her mind as things progressed. Very well told; the switch between first and third person to describe Cassie's alternate personality was clever and it worked well. The style throughout the entire story was original and entertaining. Really nice job!","dateCreated":"1265766141","smartDate":"Feb 9, 2010","userCreated":{"username":"cw7fayb","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/cw7fayb","imageUrl":"https:\/\/ssl.wikicdn.com\/i\/user_none_lg.jpg"}},{"id":"20001053","body":"I really liked this story! I read the whole thing and I love how you ended it. The whole alter ego idea was so intriguing. In the beginning, i thought the story would just be another cliche, but you really turned it around and made it interesting. The beginning is a bit slow...but everything really picked up at CVS!","dateCreated":"1265770460","smartDate":"Feb 9, 2010","userCreated":{"username":"SKHAlbano","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/SKHAlbano","imageUrl":"https:\/\/ssl.wikicdn.com\/i\/user_none_lg.jpg"}},{"id":"20003333","body":"Mary- I read the whole thing. I LOVE your style of writing. its so interesting. i really liked your main character. she was funny. great job. i cant think of any flaws in this story!","dateCreated":"1265773629","smartDate":"Feb 9, 2010","userCreated":{"username":"cw7dodmanj","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/cw7dodmanj","imageUrl":"https:\/\/ssl.wikicdn.com\/i\/user_none_lg.jpg"}},{"id":"20034853","body":"hahha ok so some parts totally felt like the swim team and the first aid kit in the trunk of the dads old car totally you! hahaha. Also i love all the tampon CVS stories and the guy buying condoms....so realalistic! And now i know why you were asking me all those questions in the computer lab ahhaha its all making sense now!!!! However i am not going to say anything bad casue i really dont have anything bad to say!!!!! LOVED LOVED LOVED LOVED LOVED LOVED, you story!!! it made me really happy too!!!! cant wait to talk about this with you in about ten seconds!!!! ahahahha","dateCreated":"1265838648","smartDate":"Feb 10, 2010","userCreated":{"username":"cw7musolenol","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/cw7musolenol","imageUrl":"https:\/\/ssl.wikicdn.com\/i\/user_none_lg.jpg"}},{"id":"20218803","body":"okay, i kinda forgot to post this last week. but it was sooo good that i didnt mind reading it twice. i loved the deatils you descirbed the scenes and charater with. the plot like was interesting, relatable to a point, and unquie. i loved the whole thing! nice jobb","dateCreated":"1266285762","smartDate":"Feb 15, 2010","userCreated":{"username":"cw7boylec","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/cw7boylec","imageUrl":"https:\/\/ssl.wikicdn.com\/i\/user_none_lg.jpg"}}],"more":0}]},{"id":"19925869","dateCreated":"1265665876","smartDate":"Feb 8, 2010","userCreated":{"username":"cw7lenkh","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/cw7lenkh","imageUrl":"https:\/\/ssl.wikicdn.com\/i\/user_none_lg.jpg"},"monitored":false,"locked":false,"links":{"self":"https:\/\/rachwal.wikispaces.com\/share\/view\/19925869"},"dateDigested":1532760658,"startDate":null,"sharedType":"discussion","title":"Lauren Lepiane","description":"Good story so far! I can't wait to see what happens. I wonder why Briana hates Lindsay. I want to know what Tyler asks Caitlyn. You don't need to use spaces to seperate the paragraphs; you just need to indent each time a new paragraph starts.","replyPages":[{"page":0,"digests":[],"more":0}]},{"id":"19925279","dateCreated":"1265665011","smartDate":"Feb 8, 2010","userCreated":{"username":"cw7lenkh","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/cw7lenkh","imageUrl":"https:\/\/ssl.wikicdn.com\/i\/user_none_lg.jpg"},"monitored":false,"locked":false,"links":{"self":"https:\/\/rachwal.wikispaces.com\/share\/view\/19925279"},"dateDigested":1532760658,"startDate":null,"sharedType":"discussion","title":"Colleen Boyle","description":"Great story so far! I can't wait to see what happens! I wonder why Eli gets mad at Angel. I feel so sorry for Angel. I wonder if she will survive. However, there are a few grammatical errors you need to fix.","replyPages":[{"page":0,"digests":[{"id":"19933825","body":"Oh My GOd!!!! her boyfriend is a freak!!!! he needs serious help!!!!! I still can not believe that she took him back again after everything that he has done to her!!...she really must be terminally ill!!!!! Besides that, i think your story is very catchy and fun to read. I like where it is going right now and hope it continues on it's current path. Watch out for a couple grammatical things but, other than that you are good to go! Really, really, really excited to see how it ends!","dateCreated":"1265674093","smartDate":"Feb 8, 2010","userCreated":{"username":"cw7musolenol","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/cw7musolenol","imageUrl":"https:\/\/ssl.wikicdn.com\/i\/user_none_lg.jpg"}},{"id":"19938939","body":"Your story was really intense and all the suspense of Angel's situation made me really want to keep reading. Some parts were kind of confusing though and I think that can be fixed with some grammar corrections and editting. You have a lot going on with the abusive relationship and the MS so you have a few different ways for the way the story could go. I do agree with other people though that all the banging and yelling would be a clue to the parents and the part when the truck is backing into her is kind of confusing. But as long as you go back and edit for the good copy you should be all set! I really liked it!","dateCreated":"1265679963","smartDate":"Feb 8, 2010","userCreated":{"username":"cw7morrism","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/cw7morrism","imageUrl":"https:\/\/ssl.wikicdn.com\/i\/user_none_lg.jpg"}},{"id":"19942655","body":"Very good idea for your storyy very intense and it was interesting to read. i think that it is very good so far. I personally enjoyed this story. the Beginning is also very good.","dateCreated":"1265685454","smartDate":"Feb 8, 2010","userCreated":{"username":"cw7dodmanj","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/cw7dodmanj","imageUrl":"https:\/\/ssl.wikicdn.com\/i\/user_none_lg.jpg"}}],"more":0}]}],"more":true},"comments":[]},"http":{"code":200,"status":"OK"},"redirectUrl":null,"javascript":null,"notices":{"warning":[],"error":[],"info":[],"success":[]}}