{"content":{"sharePage":{"page":0,"digests":[{"id":"24717627","dateCreated":"1274984267","smartDate":"May 27, 2010","userCreated":{"username":"cw8transues","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/cw8transues","imageUrl":"https:\/\/ssl.wikicdn.com\/i\/user_none_lg.jpg"},"monitored":false,"locked":false,"links":{"self":"https:\/\/rachwal.wikispaces.com\/share\/view\/24717627"},"dateDigested":1532760622,"startDate":null,"sharedType":"discussion","title":"leave the gun take the canoli","description":"The scene opens with the sound of paper bags crinkling and crates being moved. Two men are seen in back room of restaurant looking in bags and crates. (Enter description of characters)
\n
\nMario: Hey Lu grab the freaking mushrooms, i wanna get out of here. I need to watch jersey shore at 8.
\n
\nLuigi: Mario you got basic cable you goose!
\n
\nMario: Yea well i'm gonna get some comcast once i get paid from these shrooms.
\n
\n\u2022 The two men hear a sound and they hastily grab the paper bags and they creep towards the door in silence. Hearing no one they walk out into the main part and they tip toe towards the door.
\n
\nEnter old, disoriented owner of store who is partially blind and is mildly racist.
\nOwner: HEY YOU CRAZY KIDS GET OFF MY LAWN!
\n
\n\u2022 Luigi turns towards the man looking at him like he is an idiot. Luigi pulls out gun and shoots him point blank. No hesitation. Luigi blows the smoke off the tip of the gun
\nLuigi: That was a spicy meat a ball.
\n
\n\u2022 Mario turns and smacks Luigi on the head playfully.
\nBoth men leave the restuarant and walk calmly on the streets.
\n
\nSCENE 2
\n
\nThis scene opens with the Don sitting at his large desk. He has gray hair and a large puffy blazer that is far too big on him. He is grinning at a young girl who is on his lap, arms around his neck.
\n
\nDon twirls his mustache: so i've been thinking my blossom, my heart, my heaven....we've been together for quite sometime....what does our future look like
\nmy sweet?
\n
\n\u2022 The girl stands up a bit frightened and she smooths out her dress backing up
\nfrom the desk.
\nPeach: But i don't know anything about you....you haven't told me anything even though we've been together a while i've been doing all the talking
\n\u2022 She giggles nervously and plays with her hair even though she is still frightened.
\n\u2022 Don reaches towards her and pulls her back onto his lap stroking her hair.
\nDon: sweety, that matters very little. Its a well paying job that offers the highest protection. You shouldn't worry your precious mind with such problems.
\n
\n\u2022 Peach looks even more nervous and she stands abruptly, pecks him on the cheek and she walks towards the door.
\nPeach: I'll call you tonight Bowser.
\nExit Peach
\n
\nSCENE 3
\n\u2022 Time passes and a faint knock on the door interupts the Don's work. He looks at the door.
\nDon: Come in.
\n\u2022 Enter Mario and Luigi a bit after she exits. A change has come over Don Bowser Corleone and his expression darkens. The men cross the room and walk towards the Don. Don stands and the men exchange the traditional greeting. The Don sits back down as the men move back around the desk. He makes a kiss sound and his yoshi hops onto his lap and he goes into a repeated rhythm of stroking him.
\n
\nDon: boys, boys, sit down. We have important matters to discuss.
\n\u2022 Before the Don could continue there is another knock on the door and they all
\nlook at it.
\n
\nDon: Enter.
\n\u2022 A guard walks in and nods to the Don a grin wide on his face.
\n\u2022 Don nods and stands slowly.
\n
\nDon: Excuse me boys...
\n\u2022 Don leaves the room, exiting through a secret door. Voices are heard through the thin walls.
\n
\n(sounds)
\nDon: Alright kenny, where's my money?
\n
\nKenny: Um i ahh (he kneels again) sir, please. im begging you this once, i dont have the money right now persay, but with a few days...
\n
\nDon: I have given you weeks for the money kenny.
\n
\nKenny: i know but if i can just have more time....
\nBANG.
\n
\n\u2022 Don walks back into the room, cleaning off his bloody hands, wiping away the blood from his pin stripe suit.
\n\u2022 Luigi lounges in a chair no worry on his face.
\n\u2022 Mario walks forward and throws bag on the desk. An annoyed look on his face, yet there is a hint of nervousness there.
\n
\nMario: There. There's the shrooms for ya.
\n\u2022 Don takes bag, looks in and nods head. He looks up and stares coldly at them both no emotion on his face.
\n
\nDon: Very good. You have yet to fail me boys. Ok your next mission....
\nSuddenly the door bursts open and Peach rushes in.
\n
\nPeach: I'm so sorry i forgot my purse. I would forget my head if it wasn't attatched!
\n
\nDon: *cough cough* Excuse me boys. Its okay sweetie im just in the middle of important "buisness"
\n
\nPeach: I'll be just a sec, don't mind me.
\n\u2022 *cheesy 80s music: the moment*
\n\u2022 Peach walks towards the door hurriedly
\n
\nDon: Okay sweetie, i love you. *Cough, Cough* Right, as i was saying. Boys, we have more italian restraunts to rob.
\n
\nLuigi: Right, im gettin tired of waiting.
\n
\nMario: I'm not.
\n\u2022 Peach trips on her way out as she walks past Mario and he reaches out to grab her elbow as Forigner begins to play again.--cheesy music--Mario and Peach smile at each other, both begin to blush, their eyes are locked on each others and they stare.
\n
\nPeach: *clears her throat* sorry.
\n\u2022 She seems to be quite flustered
\nPeach exits.
\n
\n\u2022 The Don begins talking again about the newest assignement, but Mario doesn't hear a word of it as he stares of into space with a giant grin on his face.
\n
\nDon: So thats it boys. I'd like the loot in a couple of days. Dismissed.
\n\u2022 Don turns large arm chair around facing the portrait of hismelf.
\n\u2022 Mario and Luigi exit and leave the Don's office.
\n
\nSCENE 4
\nThe setting is a busy street congested with people. Mario walks alone hands in his pockets, visibly distraught.
\n
\nAs he walks down the street something glittery strikes him out of the corner of his eye. He looks up to see a shining, gleaming man, his skin sparkling in the sunlight like a million tiny diamonds were pressed onto his skin. The mans arm extended towards Mario as he stared in awe and wonder. The mans cool hand grasped around Marios sweaty palm as Mario stared into his beautiful topaz coloured eyes and the glimmering, majestic vampire said "Come with me if you want to live" Mario learns this man is the future vision of himself.
\n
\nFuture Mario: I\u2019m gonna make this quick, Jersey Shore marathon starts at 4; you
\ngotta get out of this mob business.
\n
\nMario: I can\u2019t do that. I\u2019ve sworn allegiance to Bowser.
\n
\nFuture Mario: You know what you\u2019re doing is wrong. You can\u2019t keep stealing quality pizza toppings and using them on your own crappy pizza. Plus, he\u2019s got the girl you want.
\n
\nMario: Who? I do not want anyone.
\n
\nFuture Mario: The jig is up. I\u2019m you. I know what you want. I see right through you. You\u2019re less believable than Ronnie in episode 1; \u201cFirst rule, you never fall in love at the Jersey Shore\u201d.
\n
\nMario: Yeah you\u2019re right. I\u2019m falling for Peach.
\n
\nFuture Mario: There ya go Confused, he forgets who he\u2019s talking to\u2026me.
\n
\nMario: Thanks future me. I\u2019m going to go after Peach and-
\nHe stops midsentence as he spies Peach in the crowd.
\n
\nFuture Mario: I already know; go get her.
\nNodding, Mario runs towards Peach.
\n
\nMario: Miss! Hey, Miss! How are you?
\n
\nPeach: Nervously Oh hello Mario\u2026good, I\u2019m just great! And you?
\n
\nMario: Trying his hardest to contain his excitement. Just got a lot better! Listen, what are you doing tonight?
\n
\nPeach: (Bursting with joy) Nothing! Nothing at all!
\n
\nMario: Would you like to come with me to this great restaurant I know of?
\n
\nPeach: Why certainly, let\u2019s go!
\nThey walk as the sun begins to set and pass through the streets towards the restaurant.
\n
\nMario: Follow me, I know a great secret spot.
\n
\nLeading her towards the back of the restaurant, Mario taps a waiter on the shoulder and he begins to set up a table and chairs that oddly resemble the setup in Lady and the Tramp. Actually, it\u2019s the same setup, we are very unoriginal.
\n
\nPeach: Mario, this is wonderful.
\n
\nMario: I know. Would you like some spaghetti?
\nYeah, you guessed it. Mario and Peach begin eating spaghetti on the same plate and accidentally lock lips.
\n
\nPeach: Mario, I\u2019m sorry, I can not do this.
\n
\nMario: Why not? What\u2019s wrong?
\n
\nPeach: What if he finds out?
\n
\nMario: Who? Who finds out?
\n
\nPeach: Your boss, Bowser.
\n
\nMario: Oh\u2026what\u2019s wrong with that?
\n
\nPeach: He\u2019s your boss.
\n
\nMario: Look Peach, I\u2019ve been thinking\u2026(He sighs a long sigh as if the relief was deflating out of him) . ...that I\u2019m gonna quit my job.
\n
\nPeach: Gasps What?! Why?
\n
\nMario: (Embarrassed) It\u2019s an awful business it really is. Peach we take peoples lives. Do horrible things. For what? For pizza toppings! (He nearly is yelling in frustration and passion as Peach backs away frightened.)
\n
\nPeach: What does this have to do with me?
\n
\nMario: We can run away\u2026together.
\n
\nPeach: I want to, but\u2026
\n
\nMario: But what? I thought you wanted to be with me?
\n
\nPeach: I do Mario, but what about your friends, Luigi, your whole life here? You would give all of that up for me?
\n
\nMario: I would! I will! I hate my life here. Just come away with me.
\n
\nPeach: (Debating whether to take Mario up on his offer or to run from the restaurant) Umm, yes, Mario I will come with you. (a little timidly) I think we should talk to Bowser though.
\n
\nMario: What? Why?
\n
\nPeach: I feel bad leaving him like this, dumping him for one of his employees.
\n
\nMario: Peach, I don\u2019t know if that would be a good idea.
\n
\nPeach: Please?
\n
\nMario: \u2026\u2026fine.
\n
\nMario and Peach leave the restaurant to go talk to Bowser. They arrive and find that Luigi is still there too. Mario asks Peach to wait outside, but she refuses.
\n
\nDon: Ah, Peach.
\n
\nPeach: Bowser\u2026 there is something I need to say.
\n
\nDon: (smiles at his love) Yes, dear?
\n
\nPeach: I\u2019m leaving you.
\n
\nDon. (Shocked) WHAT!
\n
\nPeach: (yelling back) I don\u2019t even know you! You keep secrets from me all the time and I\u2019m sick of it!
\n
\nDon: (Rises from his seat) You twit! You can\u2019t leave me!
\n
\nPeach: Watch me!
\n
\nMario: Don, while were getting things out in the open.
\n
\nDon: Let me guess, you\u2019re the one she is leaving me for?
\n
\nMario: actually, yes. Oh, and I quit.","replyPages":[{"page":0,"digests":[],"more":0}]},{"id":"24715169","dateCreated":"1274982775","smartDate":"May 27, 2010","userCreated":{"username":"cw8wrubelj","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/cw8wrubelj","imageUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/pic\/1258658189\/cw8wrubelj-lg.jpg"},"monitored":false,"locked":false,"links":{"self":"https:\/\/rachwal.wikispaces.com\/share\/view\/24715169"},"dateDigested":1532760623,"startDate":null,"sharedType":"discussion","title":"play for leave the gun take the canoli","description":"The scene opens with the sound of paper bags crinkling and crates being moved. Two men are seen in back room of restaurant looking in bags and crates. (Enter description of characters)
\n
\nMario: Hey Lu grab the freaking mushrooms, i wanna get out of here. I need to watch jersey shore at 8.
\nLuigi: Mario you got basic cable you goose!
\nMario: Yea well i'm gonna get some comcast once i get paid from these shrooms.
\n
\n\u2022 The two men hear a sound and they hastily grab the paper bags and they creep towards the door in silence. Hearing no one they walk out into the main part and they tip toe towards the door.
\n
\nEnter old, disoriented owner of store who is partially blind and is mildly racist.
\nOwner: HEY YOU CRAZY KIDS GET OFF MY LAWN!
\n
\n\u2022 Luigi turns towards the man looking at him like he is an idiot. Luigi pulls out gun and shoots him point blank. No hesitation. Luigi blows the smoke off the tip of the gun
\nLuigi: That was a spicy meat a ball.
\n
\n\u2022 Mario turns and smacks Luigi on the head playfully.
\nBoth men leave the restuarant and walk calmly on the streets.
\n
\nSCENE 2
\n
\nThis scene opens with the Don sitting at his large desk. He has gray hair and a large puffy blazer that is far too big on him. He is grinning at a young girl who is on his lap, arms around his neck.
\n
\nDon twirls his mustache: so i've been thinking my blossom, my heart, my heaven....we've been together for quite sometime....what does our future look like my sweet?
\n\u2022 The girl stands up a bit frightened and she smooths out her dress backing up from the desk.
\nPeach: But i don't know anything about you....you haven't told me anything even though we've been together a while i've been doing all the talking
\n\u2022 She giggles nervously and plays with her hair even though she is still frightened.
\n\u2022 Don reaches towards her and pulls her back onto his lap stroking her hair.
\nDon: sweety, that matters very little. Its a well paying job that offers the highest protection. You shouldn't worry your precious mind with such problems.
\n\u2022 Peach looks even more nervous and she stands abruptly, pecks him on the cheek and she walks towards the door.
\nPeach: I'll call you tonight Bowser.
\nExit Peach
\n
\nSCENE 3
\n\u2022 Time passes and a faint knock on the door interupts the Don's work. He looks at the door.
\nDon: Come in.
\n\u2022 Enter Mario and Luigi a bit after she exits. A change has come over Don Bowser Corleone and his expression darkens. The men cross the room and walk towards the Don. Don stands and the men exchange the traditional greeting. The Don sits back down as the men move back around the desk. He makes a kiss sound and his yoshi hops onto his lap and he goes into a repeated rhythm of stroking him.
\nDon: boys, boys, sit down. We have important matters to discuss.
\n\u2022 Before the Don could continue there is another knock on the door and they all look at it.
\nDon: Enter.
\n\u2022 A guard walks in and nods to the Don a grin wide on his face.
\n\u2022 Don nods and stands slowly.
\nDon: Excuse me boys...
\n\u2022 Don leaves the room, exiting through a secret door. Voices are heard through the thin walls.
\n
\n(sounds)
\nDon: Alright kenny, where's my money?
\nKenny: Um i ahh (he kneels again) sir, please. im begging you this once, i dont have the money right now persay, but with a few days...
\nDon: I have given you weeks for the money kenny.
\nKenny: i know but if i can just have more time....
\nBANG.
\n
\n\u2022 Don walks back into the room, cleaning off his bloody hands, wiping away the blood from his pin stripe suit.
\n\u2022 Luigi lounges in a chair no worry on his face.
\n\u2022 Mario walks forward and throws bag on the desk. An annoyed look on his face, yet there is a hint of nervousness there.
\nMario: There. There's the shrooms for ya.
\n\u2022 Don takes bag, looks in and nods head. He looks up and stares coldly at them both no emotion on his face.
\nDon: Very good. You have yet to fail me boys. Ok your next mission....
\nSuddenly the door bursts open and Peach rushes in.
\nPeach: I'm so sorry i forgot my purse. I would forget my head if it wasn't attatched!
\nDon: *cough cough* Excuse me boys. Its okay sweetie im just in the middle of important "buisness"
\nPeach: I'll be just a sec, don't mind me.
\n\u2022 *cheesy 80s music: the moment*
\n\u2022 Peach walks towards the door hurriedly
\nDon: Okay sweetie, i love you. *Cough, Cough* Right, as i was saying. Boys, we have more italian restraunts to rob.
\nLuigi: Right, im gettin tired of waiting.
\nMario: I'm not.
\n\u2022 Peach trips on her way out as she walks past Mario and he reaches out to grab her elbow as Forigner begins to play again.--cheesy music--Mario and Peach smile at each other, both begin to blush, their eyes are locked on each others and they stare.
\nPeach: *clears her throat* sorry.
\n\u2022 She seems to be quite flustered
\nPeach exits.
\n\u2022 The Don begins talking again about the newest assignement, but Mario doesn't hear a word of it as he stares of into space with a giant grin on his face.
\nDon: So thats it boys. I'd like the loot in a couple of days. Dismissed.
\n\u2022 Don turns large arm chair around facing the portrait of hismelf.
\n\u2022 Mario and Luigi exit and leave the Don's office.
\n
\nSCENE 4
\nThe setting is a busy street congested with people. Mario walks alone hands in his pockets, visibly distraught.
\n
\nAs he walks down the street something glittery strikes him out of the corner of his eye. He looks up to see a shining, gleaming man, his skin sparkling in the sunlight like a million tiny diamonds were pressed onto his skin. The mans arm extended towards Mario as he stared in awe and wonder. The mans cool hand grasped around Marios sweaty palm as Mario stared into his beautiful topaz coloured eyes and the glimmering, majestic vampire said "Come with me if you want to live" Mario learns this man is the future vision of himself.
\n
\nFuture Mario: I\u2019m gonna make this quick, Jersey Shore marathon starts at 4; you gotta get out of this mob business.
\nMario: I can\u2019t do that. I\u2019ve sworn allegiance to Bowser.
\nFuture Mario: You know what you\u2019re doing is wrong. You can\u2019t keep stealing quality pizza toppings and using them on your own crappy pizza. Plus, he\u2019s got the girl you want.
\nMario: Who? I do not want anyone.
\nFuture Mario: The jig is up. I\u2019m you. I know what you want. I see right through you. You\u2019re less believable than Ronnie in episode 1; \u201cFirst rule, you never fall in love at the Jersey Shore\u201d.
\nMario: Yeah you\u2019re right. I\u2019m falling for Peach.
\nFuture Mario: There ya go Confused, he forgets who he\u2019s talking to\u2026me.
\nMario: Thanks future me. I\u2019m going to go after Peach and-
\nHe stops midsentence as he spies Peach in the crowd.
\nFuture Mario: I already know; go get her.
\nNodding, Mario runs towards Peach.
\nMario: Miss! Hey, Miss! How are you?
\nPeach: Nervously Oh hello Mario\u2026good, I\u2019m just great! And you?
\nMario: Trying his hardest to contain his excitement. Just got a lot better! Listen, what are you doing tonight?
\nPeach: Bursting with joy Nothing! Nothing at all!
\nMario: Would you like to come with me to this great restaurant I know of?
\nPeach: Why certainly, let\u2019s go!
\nThey walk as the sun begins to set and pass through the streets towards the restaurant.
\nMario: Follow me, I know a great secret spot.
\nLeading her towards the back of the restaurant, Mario taps a waiter on the shoulder and he begins to set up a table and chairs that oddly resemble the setup in Lady and the Tramp. Actually, it\u2019s the same setup, we are very unoriginal.
\nPeach: Mario, this is wonderful.
\nMario: I know. Would you like some spaghetti?
\nYeah, you guessed it. Mario and Peach begin eating spaghetti on the same plate and accidentally lock lips.
\nPeach: Mario, I\u2019m sorry, I can not do this.
\nMario: Why not? What\u2019s wrong?
\nPeach: What if he finds out?
\nMario: Who? Who finds out?
\nPeach: Your boss, Bowser.
\nMario: Oh\u2026what\u2019s wrong with that?
\nPeach: He\u2019s your boss.
\nMario: Look Peach, I\u2019ve been thinking\u2026He sighs a long sigh as if the relief was deflating out of him. ...that I\u2019m gonna quit my job.
\nPeach: Gasps What?! Why?
\nMario: Embarrassed It\u2019s an awful business it really is. Peach we take peoples lives. Do horrible things. For what? For pizza toppings! He nearly is yelling in frustration and passion as Peach backs away frightened.
\nPeach: What does this have to do with me?
\nMario: We can run away\u2026together.","replyPages":[{"page":0,"digests":[{"id":"24717135","body":"ok this is the revised scene:
\n
\n
\n
\n
\nHe stops midsentence as he spies Peach in the crowd.
\nFuture Mario: I already know; go get her.
\nNodding, Mario runs towards Peach.
\nMario: Miss! Hey, Miss! How are you?
\nPeach: Nervously- Oh hello Mario\u2026good, I\u2019m good how about yourself?
\nMario: -Trying his hardest to contain his excitement.- Just got a lot better! Listen, what are you doing tonight?
\nPeach: Well ahh\u2026Bow---Don wanted to take me out tonight\u2026.-she trails off and looks down-
\nMario: -scratches head- Do you want to go with Don tonight?
\nPeach: -looks at Mario hesitantly.- well\u2026to be honest\u2026not really\u2026.
\nMario: -grins- Well that solves it! Come with me then!
\nPeach: Well\u2026I\u2019m not so sure if this is a good idea\u2026.
\nMario: Come on no one has to know!
\nPeach: -smiles and giggles- oh I guess it\u2019ll be alright.
\nMario: great! Well I know this really great restaurant if your into that?
\nPeach: Why certainly, let\u2019s go!
\nThey walk as the sun begins to set and pass through the streets towards the restaurant.
\nMario: Follow me, I know a great secret spot.
\nLeading her towards the back of the restaurant, Mario taps a waiter on the shoulder and he begins to set up a table and chairs that oddly resemble the setup in Lady and the Tramp. Actually, it\u2019s the same setup, we are very unoriginal.
\nPeach: Mario, this is wonderful.
\nMario: I know. Would you like some spaghetti?
\nYeah, you guessed it. Mario and Peach begin eating spaghetti on the same plate and accidentally lock lips.
\nPeach: Mario, I\u2019m sorry, I can not do this.
\nMario: Why not? What\u2019s wrong?
\nPeach: What if he finds out?
\nMario: Who? Who finds out?
\nPeach: Your boss, Bowser.
\nMario: Oh\u2026what\u2019s wrong with that?
\nPeach: He\u2019s your boss.
\nMario: Look Peach, I\u2019ve been thinking\u2026He sighs a long sigh as if the relief was deflating out of him. ...that I\u2019m gonna quit my job.
\nPeach: Gasps What?! Why?
\nMario: Embarrassed It\u2019s an awful business it really is. Peach we take peoples lives. Do horrible things. For what? For pizza toppings! He nearly is yelling in frustration and passion as Peach backs away frightened.
\nPeach: What does this have to do with me?
\nMario: We can run away\u2026together.","dateCreated":"1274983899","smartDate":"May 27, 2010","userCreated":{"username":"cw8frankenfieldd","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/cw8frankenfieldd","imageUrl":"https:\/\/ssl.wikicdn.com\/i\/user_none_lg.jpg"}}],"more":0}]},{"id":"20519573","dateCreated":"1266866013","smartDate":"Feb 22, 2010","userCreated":{"username":"cw8coopers","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/cw8coopers","imageUrl":"https:\/\/ssl.wikicdn.com\/i\/user_none_lg.jpg"},"monitored":false,"locked":false,"links":{"self":"https:\/\/rachwal.wikispaces.com\/share\/view\/20519573"},"dateDigested":1532760623,"startDate":null,"sharedType":"discussion","title":"Cassie's story","description":"Made me think of something I've read in the past. I thought it was entertaining the way you started with the conflict. I give it a thumbs-up","replyPages":[{"page":0,"digests":[{"id":"20587345","body":"i like your story. I got into it and didnt want it to end... good job.","dateCreated":"1266950219","smartDate":"Feb 23, 2010","userCreated":{"username":"cw8lillyk","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/cw8lillyk","imageUrl":"https:\/\/ssl.wikicdn.com\/i\/user_none_lg.jpg"}},{"id":"20587403","body":"incredible story. love the idea and the writing is flawless. keep up the good work, make sure it doesn't become a novel.","dateCreated":"1266950274","smartDate":"Feb 23, 2010","userCreated":{"username":"cw8wrubelj","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/cw8wrubelj","imageUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/pic\/1258658189\/cw8wrubelj-lg.jpg"}},{"id":"20587425","body":"I thought the story was completely unique and was totally your own idea. keep up the good work","dateCreated":"1266950301","smartDate":"Feb 23, 2010","userCreated":{"username":"cw8laconr","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/cw8laconr","imageUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/pic\/1258739750\/cw8laconr-lg.jpg"}},{"id":"20587485","body":"i enjoyed the native americans. the writing was amazing. the dialogue was amazing as well, but the one transition the second time was iffy","dateCreated":"1266950363","smartDate":"Feb 23, 2010","userCreated":{"username":"cw8paskillk","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/cw8paskillk","imageUrl":"https:\/\/ssl.wikicdn.com\/i\/user_none_lg.jpg"}},{"id":"20587631","body":"The dialouge was really well done and I liked the whole life and dream story. I really want to read the rest.","dateCreated":"1266950479","smartDate":"Feb 23, 2010","userCreated":{"username":"cw8bannonl","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/cw8bannonl","imageUrl":"https:\/\/ssl.wikicdn.com\/i\/user_none_lg.jpg"}},{"id":"20590523","body":"Excellent. There isn't much more to say. I really enjoed this. The dialogue, plot, desciptions all were dead on. Don't change anything i look forward to reading the rest!","dateCreated":"1266952482","smartDate":"Feb 23, 2010","userCreated":{"username":"cw8frankenfieldd","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/cw8frankenfieldd","imageUrl":"https:\/\/ssl.wikicdn.com\/i\/user_none_lg.jpg"}},{"id":"20608023","body":"Your descriptions were amazing especially in the beginning. I enjoyed the plot and I really want to know what happens in the end.","dateCreated":"1266967981","smartDate":"Feb 23, 2010","userCreated":{"username":"cw8faccendaj","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/cw8faccendaj","imageUrl":"https:\/\/ssl.wikicdn.com\/i\/user_none_lg.jpg"}}],"more":0}]},{"id":"20519197","dateCreated":"1266865639","smartDate":"Feb 22, 2010","userCreated":{"username":"cw8coopers","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/cw8coopers","imageUrl":"https:\/\/ssl.wikicdn.com\/i\/user_none_lg.jpg"},"monitored":false,"locked":false,"links":{"self":"https:\/\/rachwal.wikispaces.com\/share\/view\/20519197"},"dateDigested":1532760624,"startDate":null,"sharedType":"discussion","title":"Devon's story","description":"Bravo! A great story! Change very little things that seemed awkward and it will be even better","replyPages":[{"page":0,"digests":[{"id":"20587635","body":"i LOVED it
\n=]
\ncan't wait till the ending is up","dateCreated":"1266950485","smartDate":"Feb 23, 2010","userCreated":{"username":"cw8paskillk","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/cw8paskillk","imageUrl":"https:\/\/ssl.wikicdn.com\/i\/user_none_lg.jpg"}},{"id":"20587705","body":"I loved your story and how you described the hospital and the little boy.","dateCreated":"1266950535","smartDate":"Feb 23, 2010","userCreated":{"username":"cw8bannonl","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/cw8bannonl","imageUrl":"https:\/\/ssl.wikicdn.com\/i\/user_none_lg.jpg"}},{"id":"20607647","body":"Your descriptions were great, I mean just wow. I liked how the boy had a past with the hospital and I just can't wait to see what happens now that he is being pressured to go back!","dateCreated":"1266967679","smartDate":"Feb 23, 2010","userCreated":{"username":"cw8faccendaj","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/cw8faccendaj","imageUrl":"https:\/\/ssl.wikicdn.com\/i\/user_none_lg.jpg"}}],"more":0}]},{"id":"20519037","dateCreated":"1266865431","smartDate":"Feb 22, 2010","userCreated":{"username":"cw8coopers","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/cw8coopers","imageUrl":"https:\/\/ssl.wikicdn.com\/i\/user_none_lg.jpg"},"monitored":false,"locked":false,"links":{"self":"https:\/\/rachwal.wikispaces.com\/share\/view\/20519037"},"dateDigested":1532760624,"startDate":null,"sharedType":"discussion","title":"Katelyn's story","description":"A good start. Hope to see what comes next.","replyPages":[{"page":0,"digests":[],"more":0}]},{"id":"20518989","dateCreated":"1266865379","smartDate":"Feb 22, 2010","userCreated":{"username":"cw8coopers","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/cw8coopers","imageUrl":"https:\/\/ssl.wikicdn.com\/i\/user_none_lg.jpg"},"monitored":false,"locked":false,"links":{"self":"https:\/\/rachwal.wikispaces.com\/share\/view\/20518989"},"dateDigested":1532760624,"startDate":null,"sharedType":"discussion","title":"Kevin's story","description":"I enjoyed your story. The only thing that really confused me was that she killed a teaher because she failed a project which to me seemed very cruel. I would give her a better reason to kill him other than the fact her future is ruined","replyPages":[{"page":0,"digests":[{"id":"20587421","body":"Clever! i really liked the thought you put behind it.","dateCreated":"1266950297","smartDate":"Feb 23, 2010","userCreated":{"username":"cw8lillyk","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/cw8lillyk","imageUrl":"https:\/\/ssl.wikicdn.com\/i\/user_none_lg.jpg"}},{"id":"20587503","body":"Very well-written, your writing sounded very confident throughout the story and you seemed like you knew exactly where you were taking your story. A lot of interesting ideas in this one too, hope to see more","dateCreated":"1266950371","smartDate":"Feb 23, 2010","userCreated":{"username":"cw8laconr","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/cw8laconr","imageUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/pic\/1258739750\/cw8laconr-lg.jpg"}},{"id":"20587539","body":"i love you character, and the plot is well done. the whole flashback idea is awesome too. nice story","dateCreated":"1266950397","smartDate":"Feb 23, 2010","userCreated":{"username":"cw8wrubelj","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/cw8wrubelj","imageUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/pic\/1258658189\/cw8wrubelj-lg.jpg"}},{"id":"20587547","body":"i liked your story alot. You descriptions of the characters really helped me to picture them.","dateCreated":"1266950399","smartDate":"Feb 23, 2010","userCreated":{"username":"cw8bannonl","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/cw8bannonl","imageUrl":"https:\/\/ssl.wikicdn.com\/i\/user_none_lg.jpg"}},{"id":"20587569","body":"random parts like her going to college and still being in high school confused me and how she is making drugs for a pharmecy is strange b\/c you need college practice and such. but it was good","dateCreated":"1266950419","smartDate":"Feb 23, 2010","userCreated":{"username":"cw8paskillk","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/cw8paskillk","imageUrl":"https:\/\/ssl.wikicdn.com\/i\/user_none_lg.jpg"}},{"id":"20588497","body":"It's good. After I finally read it I can actually give you some positive criticism now. It's good. I like the plot and it looks like you really knew what you wanted to do. As far as altercations are concerned, the only thing I would suggest is to change the whole college\/high school part. (Which Kelly already mentioned) But if you fix that then it'll be great!","dateCreated":"1266951106","smartDate":"Feb 23, 2010","userCreated":{"username":"cw8jacksons","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/cw8jacksons","imageUrl":"https:\/\/ssl.wikicdn.com\/i\/user_none_lg.jpg"}},{"id":"20588805","body":"not going to lie, your story kind of scared me. and like everyone else i thought you were actually talking about Dr. Hall but i wont hold that against you. overall it was very well written and even though it was scary, it was an enjoyable read.","dateCreated":"1266951317","smartDate":"Feb 23, 2010","userCreated":{"username":"cw8griglionem","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/cw8griglionem","imageUrl":"https:\/\/ssl.wikicdn.com\/i\/user_none_lg.jpg"}},{"id":"20589723","body":"Loved it. Your story was very well written. Your details and descriptions were dead on barely any grammatical errors as well which was good. I loved how the story was set up. Dr. Hall missing then you talked about Rebecca. The whole thing was just great. Rebecca really surprised me to how far she would go. Great story and keep the ending how it is; it leaves the reader with a good reaction.","dateCreated":"1266951927","smartDate":"Feb 23, 2010","userCreated":{"username":"cw8frankenfieldd","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/cw8frankenfieldd","imageUrl":"https:\/\/ssl.wikicdn.com\/i\/user_none_lg.jpg"}},{"id":"20590831","body":"Great story. i really liked the plot line and how gross(i mean that in a good way) your main character was. Great job.","dateCreated":"1266952712","smartDate":"Feb 23, 2010","userCreated":{"username":"cw8transues","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/cw8transues","imageUrl":"https:\/\/ssl.wikicdn.com\/i\/user_none_lg.jpg"}},{"id":"20591317","body":"your story was very well written. i liked the flow of the story. it wasn't rushed in any parts and was easy to read. in the beginning when you hinted that mr. hall was missing really pulled you into the story and you wanted to keep reading to find out what happened. Great story!!","dateCreated":"1266953109","smartDate":"Feb 23, 2010","userCreated":{"username":"cw8brutkor","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/cw8brutkor","imageUrl":"https:\/\/ssl.wikicdn.com\/i\/user_none_lg.jpg"}}],"more":0}]},{"id":"20386491","dateCreated":"1266545390","smartDate":"Feb 18, 2010","userCreated":{"username":"cw8cannonk","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/cw8cannonk","imageUrl":"https:\/\/ssl.wikicdn.com\/i\/user_none_lg.jpg"},"monitored":false,"locked":false,"links":{"self":"https:\/\/rachwal.wikispaces.com\/share\/view\/20386491"},"dateDigested":1532760626,"startDate":null,"sharedType":"discussion","title":"Katelyn's Story","description":"It definitely leaves a lot of options open. You can still do just about anything with your story, which is good in a sense. A few verb tense issues, even within the same sentences. Other than that, I like how you introduced the fianc\u00e9. And I wish I was at the beach right now instead of here in the cold weather. Sounds good so far, Katelyn.
\n
\nI swear it feels like I am the only one who writes on this thing. I seem to always start these discussion topics.","replyPages":[{"page":0,"digests":[{"id":"20453453","body":"your descriptions in the beginning were great. i liked how your story was in chris's point of view. the other thing i feel you have to change is when chris decides that val isn't fine. nothing she does really suggests that something is wrong. other than that great start!!","dateCreated":"1266704567","smartDate":"Feb 20, 2010","userCreated":{"username":"cw8brutkor","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/cw8brutkor","imageUrl":"https:\/\/ssl.wikicdn.com\/i\/user_none_lg.jpg"}},{"id":"20587691","body":"it seems nothing was wrong with Val but besides that i liked it","dateCreated":"1266950521","smartDate":"Feb 23, 2010","userCreated":{"username":"cw8paskillk","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/cw8paskillk","imageUrl":"https:\/\/ssl.wikicdn.com\/i\/user_none_lg.jpg"}},{"id":"20587813","body":"So far your story is real good. I liked how you described val","dateCreated":"1266950617","smartDate":"Feb 23, 2010","userCreated":{"username":"cw8bannonl","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/cw8bannonl","imageUrl":"https:\/\/ssl.wikicdn.com\/i\/user_none_lg.jpg"}},{"id":"20588865","body":"It helped pull me out of the sprialling downward deppresion that Kevins story put me in. Thanks bunches Katelyn!","dateCreated":"1266951359","smartDate":"Feb 23, 2010","userCreated":{"username":"cw8neesj","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/cw8neesj","imageUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/pic\/1267069408\/cw8neesj-lg.jpg"}},{"id":"20590937","body":"This was a nice start to a good story. You had really nice discriptions and i wouldn't really change anything. good job.","dateCreated":"1266952796","smartDate":"Feb 23, 2010","userCreated":{"username":"cw8transues","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/cw8transues","imageUrl":"https:\/\/ssl.wikicdn.com\/i\/user_none_lg.jpg"}},{"id":"20590947","body":"CHRIS DEAN! That was sooooo weird. Honestly you described him just like he was. It was great loved the writing style and descriptions keep it up! I'm looking forward to reading the rest!","dateCreated":"1266952804","smartDate":"Feb 23, 2010","userCreated":{"username":"cw8frankenfieldd","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/cw8frankenfieldd","imageUrl":"https:\/\/ssl.wikicdn.com\/i\/user_none_lg.jpg"}},{"id":"20608367","body":"I liked the descriptions of this story and the twist of where you left off even though it could of been more believable I still enjoyed it.","dateCreated":"1266968312","smartDate":"Feb 23, 2010","userCreated":{"username":"cw8faccendaj","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/cw8faccendaj","imageUrl":"https:\/\/ssl.wikicdn.com\/i\/user_none_lg.jpg"}}],"more":0}]},{"id":"20325485","dateCreated":"1266456170","smartDate":"Feb 17, 2010","userCreated":{"username":"cw8cannonk","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/cw8cannonk","imageUrl":"https:\/\/ssl.wikicdn.com\/i\/user_none_lg.jpg"},"monitored":false,"locked":false,"links":{"self":"https:\/\/rachwal.wikispaces.com\/share\/view\/20325485"},"dateDigested":1532760626,"startDate":null,"sharedType":"discussion","title":"Kevin's Story","description":"","replyPages":[{"page":0,"digests":[{"id":"20387549","body":"KEVIN. YOU RUINED MY NIGHT.
\nAll I could picture was poor Dr. Hall being melted in acid. And he's my favorite person ever. And he has children Kevin, CHILDREN!!!
\n
\nKatelyn's story better be uplifting as crap or I'm going to be depressed for the rest of my life.","dateCreated":"1266546494","smartDate":"Feb 18, 2010","userCreated":{"username":"cw8neesj","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/cw8neesj","imageUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/pic\/1267069408\/cw8neesj-lg.jpg"}},{"id":"20587967","body":"i agree with jeanette withh the whole mr\/dr hall thing. thought you messed up on his name and it was the same teacher.also like i said it seemed to have tautology with the description saying that she was not normal compared to everyone else.enjoyed the descriptions but maybe a little less repetiveness","dateCreated":"1266950730","smartDate":"Feb 23, 2010","userCreated":{"username":"cw8shampk","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/cw8shampk","imageUrl":"https:\/\/ssl.wikicdn.com\/i\/user_none_lg.jpg"}},{"id":"20607807","body":"I said this to you in class, but I love how different your story is and I can tell you put a lot of thought and effort into it. The character is definitely unique as well and I like that. So good job.","dateCreated":"1266967797","smartDate":"Feb 23, 2010","userCreated":{"username":"cw8faccendaj","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/cw8faccendaj","imageUrl":"https:\/\/ssl.wikicdn.com\/i\/user_none_lg.jpg"}}],"more":0}]},{"id":"20319605","dateCreated":"1266449195","smartDate":"Feb 17, 2010","userCreated":{"username":"cw8donatuccib","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/cw8donatuccib","imageUrl":"https:\/\/ssl.wikicdn.com\/i\/user_none_lg.jpg"},"monitored":false,"locked":false,"links":{"self":"https:\/\/rachwal.wikispaces.com\/share\/view\/20319605"},"dateDigested":1532760627,"startDate":null,"sharedType":"discussion","title":"Morgan's Story","description":"Awe i really wanna read the rest! The beginning is great so far","replyPages":[{"page":0,"digests":[{"id":"20322253","body":"The story was cute and I can definitly see the main idea. I think it needs to slow down a little more or something, I just feel like there is something missing. But after all it is only the beginning so there is a lot of room to change and adjust. Good start.","dateCreated":"1266452404","smartDate":"Feb 17, 2010","userCreated":{"username":"cw8tryh","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/cw8tryh","imageUrl":"https:\/\/ssl.wikicdn.com\/i\/user_none_lg.jpg"}},{"id":"20380103","body":"haha, Mango, what a cute name for a horse! good start, the only thing that didn't make sence was in the first paragraph you said she was an average teenager, but then later it said she wasn't that average. this was a really cute beginning though!","dateCreated":"1266538835","smartDate":"Feb 18, 2010","userCreated":{"username":"cw8transues","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/cw8transues","imageUrl":"https:\/\/ssl.wikicdn.com\/i\/user_none_lg.jpg"}},{"id":"20383559","body":"so far i like the story. i feel like im reading one of my teen romance books. im curious to see what happens with the boy. work on the dialouge a little because it was hard to read. it was really cute and i can't wait to read the rest!!","dateCreated":"1266542529","smartDate":"Feb 18, 2010","userCreated":{"username":"cw8brutkor","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/cw8brutkor","imageUrl":"https:\/\/ssl.wikicdn.com\/i\/user_none_lg.jpg"}},{"id":"20426493","body":"I really liked your story. You have a lot of ways you could take this, but I'm kind of seeing it as another teenage love story. There is nothing wrong with that, although I also kind of feel like you are going to take it in a somewhat different direction. So i'm really excited to see what you do! Good job.","dateCreated":"1266614097","smartDate":"Feb 19, 2010","userCreated":{"username":"cw8heichelc","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/cw8heichelc","imageUrl":"https:\/\/ssl.wikicdn.com\/i\/user_none_lg.jpg"}},{"id":"20587489","body":"Alot of ways you can take this, im interested to see what way you go.. good job","dateCreated":"1266950364","smartDate":"Feb 23, 2010","userCreated":{"username":"cw8lillyk","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/cw8lillyk","imageUrl":"https:\/\/ssl.wikicdn.com\/i\/user_none_lg.jpg"}},{"id":"20587663","body":"the whole love story theme is cool and fits your writing well. make the main character stand out more and your story will be great. it seems like your setting it up for a ending that doesnt go so well so im excited to read more. radical read.","dateCreated":"1266950503","smartDate":"Feb 23, 2010","userCreated":{"username":"cw8wrubelj","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/cw8wrubelj","imageUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/pic\/1258658189\/cw8wrubelj-lg.jpg"}},{"id":"20587697","body":"Story was a little open-ended, but it seems like you have a good idea of where your taking the story. Maybe make the characters a bit more unique or add a small quirk that annoys the other person or something like that... this story was booktastic!","dateCreated":"1266950527","smartDate":"Feb 23, 2010","userCreated":{"username":"cw8laconr","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/cw8laconr","imageUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/pic\/1258739750\/cw8laconr-lg.jpg"}},{"id":"20607475","body":"I like how your story is going so far. I think you could of slowed down the writing a bit but other than that it was great, keep it up.","dateCreated":"1266967555","smartDate":"Feb 23, 2010","userCreated":{"username":"cw8faccendaj","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/cw8faccendaj","imageUrl":"https:\/\/ssl.wikicdn.com\/i\/user_none_lg.jpg"}}],"more":0}]},{"id":"20314441","dateCreated":"1266443072","smartDate":"Feb 17, 2010","userCreated":{"username":"cw8heichelc","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/cw8heichelc","imageUrl":"https:\/\/ssl.wikicdn.com\/i\/user_none_lg.jpg"},"monitored":false,"locked":false,"links":{"self":"https:\/\/rachwal.wikispaces.com\/share\/view\/20314441"},"dateDigested":1532760628,"startDate":null,"sharedType":"discussion","title":"Cassie's Story","description":"Hey guy what did you think?","replyPages":[{"page":0,"digests":[{"id":"20322123","body":"I thought you're story was a really good and well written. It was different than anyone's in our class and that makes it stand out a lot. The story line is extremely good and I liked how I understood who your character was without you saying the typical "she was..." and "she liked..." I felt that in between dream and reality and time elapsing was a little confusing if that makes sense. Maybe if you just broke up the paragraphs more so that the reader knows ok now we are switching to something else. Over all this was a really creative piece and I thought it was wonderful.","dateCreated":"1266452252","smartDate":"Feb 17, 2010","userCreated":{"username":"cw8tryh","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/cw8tryh","imageUrl":"https:\/\/ssl.wikicdn.com\/i\/user_none_lg.jpg"}},{"id":"20380039","body":"I really enjoyed this. I like how she has really interesting, intense dreams, but then she wakes up and she's so normal. I loved everything about this story, i dont really have anything to say that you should change. Great job!","dateCreated":"1266538744","smartDate":"Feb 18, 2010","userCreated":{"username":"cw8transues","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/cw8transues","imageUrl":"https:\/\/ssl.wikicdn.com\/i\/user_none_lg.jpg"}},{"id":"20383965","body":"it was well written. your descriptions in the beginning were great and really pulled you into the story.i feel that steve was just thrown in there and you didn't really know a lot about him. it was confusing when she had her second dream. you just need to transition that better. overall, i loved it and can't wait to read the rest!","dateCreated":"1266542880","smartDate":"Feb 18, 2010","userCreated":{"username":"cw8brutkor","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/cw8brutkor","imageUrl":"https:\/\/ssl.wikicdn.com\/i\/user_none_lg.jpg"}}],"more":0}]}],"more":true},"comments":[]},"http":{"code":200,"status":"OK"},"redirectUrl":null,"javascript":null,"notices":{"warning":[],"error":[],"info":[],"success":[]}}